Graduate

I have been on hiatus for awhile.  I am looking back on the most important days in the past year.  I have not written about my baby being a graduate so here it is.

My ex and I enrolled my Angel in a daycare before she was 2 years old.  I really loved the ladies and loved the program.  The daycare did a Spanish Imersion course.  The teachers would talk mostly to the children in Spanish.  At first I was like this is just a way to have Mexicans take care of my Angel.  Surprisingly this way of teaching works.  My Angel learned to count in Spanish and she knows her colors and some shapes.  One day in May the school planned a graduation for the students that were going to kindergarten.  I thought about the signification of this day to me but mostly for her.  She thought is was fun, but I could only think of what she was to encounter in the future.  Her world was about to be expanded beyond her imagination.  I arrived at her graduation and all I could think of is where is her mother, but of course she wasn't there.  At one point the graduates were to give a flower to their mothers instead I got the flower.  I could see her disappointment but she persevered anyways.  I thought of a song Ms. Jackson of Outkast.  "And yes I will be present on the first day of School and Graduation"  Only Graduation came first for my Angel.  I wonder if this is how our lives will be?  Even on a day of celebration we knew something was missing.  I just hope she will never have to graduate from the school of hard knocks like her daddy.

New Imperfect DAD

What there's another? well lets just say unexpectedly YES!  So who is this guy?  Who is this newly crowned DAD.  I will give him this at least he is not Single!  So maybe he's ahead of me in this regard.  I am talking about my little brother Lobo.  Yes just this year I was complaining about how he has a rivalry with my Angel to be the baby of the family and now he has one on the way.  I really am excited for him although he has no idea what is about to happen to him.  I hope that I have given him some idea of what it is to be a parent.  I wasn't his parent but was the closest thing he had to a parent for the last 6 years.  I have been accused of spoiling this guy and now he has the daunting task of raising his own daughter.  I only hope that he takes the best of what I have shown him and he becomes a naturally imperfect dad for the rest.  Life can sometimes be a surprise and that's what I hope for him.  What I mean is that he needs to show his natural abilities for being a loving dad and understand his short comings so that he may take the opportunity to get better where he lacks.  Only he can determine this for his daughter and fatherhood.  I would like to extend my knowledge to him whenever and if-ever he needs it.  I pray for him and his daughter that we all grow into what god wants for our lives.

My Girlfriend the tooth fairy

One day my Angel said Daddy I got a loose tooth.  I thought she's too young to be losing teeth.  I starting asking around if this was normal.  After all my 7 year old niece was just about to lose her first tooth and my baby was just turning 5.  Well my Angel did get teeth at a real early age and she has some chompers for real.  Angel told everyone look I got a loose tooth and of course everybody said hey the tooth fairy will bring you some money for your tooth.  This fascinated her a fairy was coming to give us money for her tooth.  She asked me Daddy why does the tooth fairy come to give me money for my tooth.  I told Angel that the tooth was just an excuse for the tooth fairy to come see Daddy.  I told her that the tooth fairy was my girlfriend and the only time the tooth fairy could visit is when my Angel loses a tooth.  Of Course my daughter called me out.  She corrected me saying that the fairy would come see her for her tooth.  The night that she lost her tooth she told me that she was going to stay up all night to see the Tooth Fairy.  lol  Eventually Angel fell asleep.  I proceeded to put $1 under her pillow and took her tooth.  When Angel woke she was so upset that she had missed the tooth fairy.  She said Daddy how come you didn't wake me up to see the Tooth Fairy.  I told her that the Tooth Fairy put pixy dust so that she couldn't wake up.  Immediately Angel started pulling her other teeth! 

Best Man

So I know I know how can you be the best man when your the Imperfect Single DAD.  Well ask my friend Steve Jobs.  Ok I know Steve Jobs is dead but I consider my buddy my Steve Jobs.  Steve and I have worked with each other for the last 6-7 years.  I am not sure how I put up with him and how he has put up with me.  Anyways I wonder who is the better slacker.  Even though I could ring his neck at times he has been my best advisor and has seen me through my divorce.  He gave me advice when I asked and never gave me advice when I did not ask.  I really appreciate this because I know he cared but let me live without judgements.  I remember one day he showed up to work with a smile.  If you knew Steve Jobs like I did then you would be like why is he smiling.  He normally never shows emotion.  So needless to say I was intrigued.  Did he win the lotto?  Did he beat a game he has been playing for weeks or years?  Well the answer was yes!  He found the girl of his dreams.  I was so happy he found a girlfriend.  I watched him grow into this relationship while my marriage went down the drains.  I never told him that marriage was terrible on the contrary I told him that he was headed in the right direction.  Anyways he decided to get married.  To my surprise he asked if I could be his best man.  This baffled me.  I had lost my marriage what could I possibly offer him as advice.  I would like to think that I may have given him hope that marriage is wonderful even if I had failed at it.  I hope he has a fruitful marriage and life treats him as he deserves to be treated.  I was his best man at their beautiful ceremony.  My Angel was my date and she was so amazed at being at the wedding.  She said I want to get married!  She better learn to live with the Best Man first!  lol

The Start of the next 13 years!

If you have a 5 year old you know what I'm talking about.  The first day of school!  Can you believe it that she started Kindergarten this August.  I think about this and it blows my mind.  If she could only grasp the thought of being in school for the next 13 years she would probably drop out.  I'm kidding but think about it she will have nearly tripled her years on earth before she graduates from high school.  The only way she looks at it is that she gets to meet new friends.  At 5 everyone is potentially your best friend.  I wish we all could learn from 5 year olds about being friends.  Anyways I took her to school the first day.  I was surprised that I got a good parking spot.  We went into the cafeteria to wait for our class to be called.  It was so crowded I am surprised that she was well with it.  You could just see the excitement in her eyes.  I was so happy that she wanted to be there.  We finally made it to her classroom.  She had a spot waiting for her.  When she sat down she said daddy I will see you later.  I was the one with separation anxiety!!!  I love my Angel so much.  Thank you god for her strength she will need it for the next 13 years and beyond!

Skater chick

So after Angel turned 4 she became my biker chick.  Well after she turned 5 she amazed me once again.  She would play outside on her skates and I would ride my skateboard.  YES I have a skateboard.  It was my younger brothers but I have claimed it since he moved out.  lol  When I was young I skateboarded for years, so I can still hold my own.  Even though I have to hold a lot more.  Anyways she got board on her roller skates one day.  She asked me to teach her how to ride the skateboard.  I thought to myself what a brave soul.  When she wants to learn something she goes 100% just like her daddy.  Yes I will take credit for that.  haha.  Well lets just say she hasn't fell down one time.  I am so amazed at her balance and disregard for danger.  I know what you are thinking what an Imperfect DAD!  Who would allow their daughter to learn how to skateboard?  My answer to that is who would want to limit their daughter. 

5th for a 5th

So whats up with this title.  Well lets just say this day requires a 5th of liquor.  Angel's 5th birthday was coming up and I had no idea what to do for her.  I was about to change jobs so I did not want to spend a lot of money.  I was also trying to be cordial with Jezebel, so I included her in the decision.  I wanted Angel to have all of her family at her birthday party even if that meant Jezebel and Medusa would make an appearance.  I was trying to be mature about being around them.  After all this day is not about me but about my daughter.  After much debate to what we were doing for Angel we decided a birthday party at my house everyone invited.  After the party the friends could stay for a slumber party.  This meant that Jezebel would stay over to help supervise.  To the surprise of everyone and myself we did not kill each other.  We managed to put our differences aside so that Angel could have the party she deserved. 

Sibling Rivalry

As the Imperfect Dad I sometimes compare my upbringing to that of my daughter.  I wonder if there is anything more that Angel needs in life.  I grew up with a lot of brothers and a sister.  One particular brother (Picasso) I lived with my whole life.  Picasso was my younger brother by a year and a half.  Believe it or not I was jealous of him at a young age.  At about 1st or 2nd grade they wanted to put HIM in GT classes.  I thought to myself I'm smarter than him why not me.  But after all I recognize he is more talented than I could ever be.  Anyways this motivated me to do even better at everything.  This sibling rivalry made me a better me.  Since my Angel is an only child I think to myself could she have benefited from having a sibling.  No one really knows but she has the next best thing.  My youngest brother lives with me at least for now.  If anyone asks Angel do you have a brother or sister she says yes Uncle Lobo and Aunt Miley.  They both lived with me in the past year or two.  Aunt Miley is more like an Aunt than a sister which is good, because Angel also has a Cousin Opal whose like the sister.  Opal and Angel are 2 years apart from each other.  This is great because older Opal can teach Angel a lot of things on their own level since she is the older one.  They don't have a rivalry YET, but Uncle LOBO and Angel do!!  I have been raising Lobo since he was 12 years old and now he is 20.  Before Angel arrived he got most of my extra attention.  He got whatever he wanted without any competing sibling.  Now that Angel is here he is not my first priority and he feels that, so when he feels like Angel is getting what she wants he says MAN she's spoiled!  I tell him so what I want to give her whatever I can.  This means less for him, but at this point he should be doing for himself anyways is my way of thinking.  Angel doesn't know that he has this issue with her.  She still calls him brother with no prejudice.  If only Lobo would see this innocence love she has for her "brother" maybe he could not see her as a threat to being the BABY of the Family.

Security Blanket

OK OK  I know what your thinking.  Why would your superhuman daughter need a Blankey!  Well that's what I'm thinking.  Yes she can't part ways with a certain blanket.  My Angel has a baby blanket that looks and sometimes smells like a homeless blanket.  When my daughter was a baby my ex and I bought a lovely pink blanket.  This blanket had such a pretty pink design and was so soft like a plush teddy.  We would lay her down on the blanket to nap or just to play on the ground.  When she learned to crawl she would find the blanket and take her own little nap.  Back then I thought wow how cute she loves that blanket.  We knew she loved that blanket so much that we bought 2 more.  One extra one for the house and one for the in-laws.  Too bad those blankets are still lonely.  Angel knew even at 1 the difference between her Blankey and the imposter blankets.  She would cry if she didn't have her blanket for a nap and for bedtime.  She started insisting that we bring that blanket everywhere even in the grocery store you know just in case she wanted to nap while I was shopping.  So Fast Forward to now not much has changed.  She still needs her Blankey to sleep.  She will turn 5 soon and I'm contemplating with how to break her from this habit.  Really I think I have 2 options:  #1. Just "lose" it and hear her cry for the next month or #2. Wait until this Blankey disintegrate into a black heap of dust.  I choose the #2.  If I somehow "lose" the Blankey I know I would have to lie to my Angel.  I just don't want to do that.  Somehow I see that Blankey as a symbol of her pure innocence.  I don't want her to lose that so she can Keep her Stinky Blankey!

Biker Chick

Believe me I would love to write about a real biker chick but instead this is about my Angel and how she's my biker chick.  I was away on a job on my daughter's fourth birthday.  I occasionally go on jobs that are out of town, so I sometimes miss important days.  At this age I can always celebrate on another day, so that's what I did.  Before I left I asked her what she wanted for her birthday.  She had seen a neighbor kid riding a bike just a few days earlier, so she immediately said I want to ride a bike.  Well I thought she has a bike at her Grandma's house.  Grandma Medusa the ex-inlaw.  That bike was small and had training wheels.  I said but honey you have a bike what about something else.  She said no a bike I can ride.  OK I thought she needs to learn how to ride!  This is going to be tough to teach her!  She is only about to be 4 maybe she won't even want to learn after falling a few times.  Needless to say I bought her a bike.  I brought the bike home and found out that it was too big for her!  I only found this out by giving it to her then realizing hey she cant even get on the bike!  I couldn't believe that I was so dumb!!!  Once she saw it I didn't have the heart to take it away from her.  Plus she dropped the gigantic bike and broke off the Barbie horn!  I couldn't take it back even if I wanted to.  The monsterous bike did not come with training wheels so I had to get aftermarket rims I mean training wheels.  I am not an engineer so the training wheels where falling off before I put her on the bike.  I felt bad for my Angel.  She didn't know what kind of risk she was getting herself into.  The good thing about her is that she has very little fear.  At least I bought knee and elbow pads with a helmet.  She needed all the help she could get.  I put her on the bike and prayed for her soul.  I told her that even though the training wheels were on she might fall over and sure enough she did.  My engineering work on the training wheels was down right dangerous.  I said to myself she needs to learn fast so that we can take those things off as soon as possible.  We hit the mean streets for 3 days straight.  We practiced for a couple of hours each day.  On our 3rd day the training wheels literally flew off, so I said Angel Im not putting them back on if you what to ride today is your day.  By then she really was getting the hang of it anyways.  I put her on the bike and held onto the back of the seat.  I let go but told her I still had her.  She kept peddling as if I was holding on, but I wasn't.  I stopped following and let her go!  She peddled without any help until she noticed I wasn't holding on anymore then of course she fell.  I said honey you did it without Daddy.  She said I know Daddy but tell me next time when you let go.  She had the confidence but just needed to know when she was on her own.  She wanted to jump back on even though she was fairly bruised up from the days of practice.  Her toughness surprised me!  Now every time we come home she's down to ride just like a true biker chick!

Sensei Bruce Lee

So one day my daughter walks up to me while I was enthralled in a Rockets game.  She said daddy I want to do Karate.  I was totally shocked to say the least.  She had just turned 4 and I had never talked about Karate to her.  I asked where did she get the idea from, she said she didn't know she thinks she saw it on TV.  As a parent when she asks for something I at least look at the option.  So I went to a local Dojo.  There I met Sensei Bruce Lee and Kyoshi Demi.  These guys were so inviting and positive.  I just got the best vibes from them.  They immediately let her do a free session.  Of course my Angel was hooked.  They offered me a great deal so now she's learning Shotokan Karate.  I have been extremely surprised with Sensei Bruce Lee.  Sensei is about 21-22 but seems to know how to push my daughter how to be even better.  Angel was even testing for a higher belt and managed to break a board with her hand and foot.    I realized that even though I know how to motivate my daughter there are some people even better than me that can push her to higher levels of achievement.  I need to let people like Sensei Bruce Lee and Kyoshi Demi mold my daughter into a better her.  Thanks for letting me see that Sensei Bruce Lee and Kyoshi Demi.

Modesty is over Rated

OK I'm not politically correct when I say why be modest.  When people ask about my daughter I say she's awesome.  I tell them I'm building her resume already!  lol  I know that's just crazy when she is only 4 but why not!  Just a few stats on my Girl:

10 lb baby.
Started walking at 10 months
Potty trained before 18 months
Started riding a bike without training wheels 3 days after becoming 4
Scores at least 2 goals every game up to 6 goals
Knows how to roller skate
Orange stripe in Karate where she's breaking boards already
Knows her colors and numbers in Spanish up to 40
Plays a mean game of Mario Cart and Mario World on the Wii

I was texting a "new" friend one day.  We are just getting to know each other.  She knew I had a daughter so she asked me about her.  I gave her my typical answer:  She's so awesome and I proceeded to give her stats.  My friend replied with CALM DOWN.  I had to laugh out loud.  I then thought am I that dam proud that people literally have to tell me to calm down.  I don't ever want to curb my excitement about my daughter for anyone.  The reason I am so proud and excited is that she naturally wants to do all that she does.  I have never forced her into anything she didn't want to do anyways.  She even asked to do Karate.  She wanted to learn to roller skate.  She wanted to learn how to ride a bike.  She wants to score every time she has the soccer ball.  I know that eventually she may not want to do an activity that I wish she would, but until then she is free willing herself to a wonderful resume for a 4 year old.

Soccer Hooligan

So I'm not a really violent guy.  I would rather have been a hippie rather than a soldier in the 60's.  I think that my demeanor is fairly tame enough to raise a loving daughter.  With all this being said I might be considered a Soccer Hooligan.  The second season I signed my daughter up to play soccer I did not sign up to be the coach.  I was just the unofficial assistant coach.  I was happy with this because the new coach put me to shame.  He is a regime leader but that's for another blog.  My role would be to watch from the sidelines sometimes.  Well that didn't last long.  One beautiful Saturday morning we showed up to play a rival city's soccer team.  Mind you we are talking 4 and 5 year olds.  We split up our teams to play 2 games on 2 separate fields.  Our coach manages one field and the rival coach manages the other field.  I was "Monitoring" the field where the rival coach was at.  Well we have one player who I will Call Pele.  This south American Phenom kicks 5 year old ass all day long.  Needless to say the rival coach did not like Pele scoring at will.  I know Pele because I was his first coach in the first season of soccer.  He doesn't speak much English because he has only been in the US for about 6 months.  I almost want to be an agent cuz this kid will be a player for sure.  Anyways my Angel is no pushover either.  So they were destroying any self esteem that the other rival team had.  Kids were literally crying because our kids were not letting them even touch the ball.  The rival coach finally had enough.  She told Pele to stop doing his newest move at the time (a sliding kick).  He didn't know what she was saying so he proceeded to do it 2 more times.  Finally she grabbed his arm and told him don't do that.  You could see that he was confused.  He started to cry right on the spot.  At that time Pele's Father Pele Sr told her to leave him alone.  Being the unofficial assistant coach and Pele's previous coach I felt the need to approach the Lady Rival Coach.  I tried to explain to her that he was just playing how he normally plays and that he didn't want to hurt anybody.  I also explained that he didn't speak very good English.  At the same time Pele Sr and the Coaches husband are face to face arguing whether or not he should stop playing and if she even had the right to tell Pele to stop kicking the ball.  Meanwhile this Lady Coach rudely tells me that if he doesn't understand English he should get off the field.  By this time all the kids including my Angel are just staring at grown parents arguing.  My anger got the best of me and I went off on the B!  I never was so angry at such ignorance.  Good thing a voice of reason ended all the nonsense.  Our coach came over and pulled us apart.  At the end of the day my Angel asked Daddy why was I mad at the lady.  I explained that she said something that was not right and I wanted her to know whats right and wrong.  This might not seem right but I believe its important that I teach my daughter to speak up when she believes that there is something wrong.  Even if it means things get heated.  I  don't mind being a hooligan for whats right!

A Real LIFE Coach

Who knew that someone like me could actually coach.  Not that I haven't been around coaching for years but someone who lacks patience and humility.  I learned that just being on the field guiding my Angel came natural to me.  I even learned all the names of the kids playing on the team within 2 weeks.  The season lasted about 12 weeks.  I didn't miss one game not even for extracurricular activities.  I managed to see my Angel grow as a little person as well as 11 other little people.  The one person that grew up the most was me.  So I just want to thank my team for being my real Life Coach.

Staying in Control

I begin by saying I am not a control freak.  In my own mind anyways.  Maybe most people would say otherwise.  When I talk about staying in control I am talking about controlling my imperfect ways and my imperfect environment.  I have mentioned before that I am a free spirit by nature.  I love to get crazy at times.  I tend to over drink when possible.  In college I was even worse if you know what I mean.  Now that I am the Imperfect DAD I need to control this side of me.  I wasn't sure how I was to do this.  I decided that I couldn't be out of control if I was spending time with my Angel.  My answer to this was to sign my Angel up for soccer.  She was only 3 years old but a big 3.  The games were early mornings on a Saturday.  Normally time that was spent recovering from the night before.  Of course I signed her up late so they didn't have a coach for her unless somebody volunteered.  Well I wasn't going to let my girl down so I signed up to be her first coach.  Thank god the kids were 3 and 4 years old because I didn't know anything about soccer.  I was so out of place amongst veteran parents of the soccer world.  I was the only parent showing up in a red sports car and not a minivan or suv.  I soon realized that just being in a structured environment help me control my imperfect ways.  If I was to be out the night before in the crazy world I could NOT live up to my committed job of being coach to my Angel and her new teammates.  Just being in a different environment indirectly controlled me in a positive way.  So Just because I show up on a Harley to Soccer games when her mom takes her doesn't mean that I'm a bad DAD just that I'm staying in Control in my own Way!

First Lesson

I was terrified for the first 3 months that I was a single dad.  I would wake up thinking how could I be a good parent to my Angel?  I was mostly terrified for her and the indirect pain she might encounter from my imperfect ways.  I after all am the Imperfect DAD.  I worried if she was getting enough love, food, and even if I dressed her ok.  I didn't want the ladies at daycare saying she must be living with her Imperfect DAD!  Look how she's dressed or look at her hair.  I didn't want her to feel social discomfort for my inabilities at parenting a little girl.  Of course all at the same time I was dealing with a marriage that was no longer.  With all the turmoil going on in the background I found out that she was more resilient than even me.  Maybe because she didn't know any better.  That's what I am betting on when I say my first lesson is to not show any weakness.  I have learned that if I say and act like everything is allright then she will go about her merry way.  My job as an Imperfect DAD is to protect her from my own pain.  She doesn't need to know the pain and my perception of suffering going on in my life.  I believe keeping her shielded brings me joy in a round about way.  Let me say there is nothing more fulfilling in my life right now to see my daughter happy everyday.  Friends and Family say to me she is one happy kid and that makes me happy.

How I became an Imperfect Single DAD

Apparently I was the imperfect husband to a most imperfect Wife.  Lets call her Jezebel.  Since this blog is not about my ex wife Jezebel or my marriage I wont get too deep into why it didn't work.  I will start by saying that I by no means wanted to be divorced even though I was the one who filed for divorce.  In the beginning of my marriage I made terrible decisions but I tried for the next 12 years to make everything perfect.  I came to the realization that whatever I did this Jezebel would overpower all the good I tried to accomplish with her own selfish agenda.  Being an imperfect husband is even more complicated when the imperfect wife wants to be selfish and have her own agenda.  If you can believe it I negotiated the custody of my daughter.  Lets call her my Angel.  I am not sure if I am a good negotiator or that Jezebel did not want to fight for the custody of my Angel.  The answer is probably both.  I sometimes get so pissed off about this, but hey I get Angel and she gets her selfish ways.  We should all be happy with this outcome.  Everybody gets what they deserve albeit not so fair to Angel.  However I will say that Angel's love for Jezebel is unscathed at this point in her life.   Angel is only 4 about to be 5 years old.  I first split with Jezebel right before Angel turned 3 years old.  My last 2 years feels like an eternity, but when I write this down I understand that this really is fresh and Angel hasn't had time to fully understand the situation.  I know that in the future I will have some tough questions to answer.  I also know that Jezebel will have even tougher questions to answer.  I just want to be able to answer these questions without regrets.  This leads me to the task of being the Imperfect DAD.

The Beginning

My story really begins with my Dad.  He was the greatest flawed father.  I say that in the most loving way.  I know if I live up to his effort and love that I will ultimately be a fine father for my daughter.  My Father was married and divorced 4 times.  My brother and I were given to my father in the divorce of my parents, so I have been almost exclusively raised by my father (and myself) lol....  I did spend my summers with my mom, but most of my parenting skills or lack of came from my father.  So my legacy of being a single DAD extends back to my years of growing up with my mostly Single DAD!  My DAD has always been a great provider.  I learned alot and owe my Imperfect DAD for making me a loving but Imperfect Father.

My Idea of the Imperfect DAD:
I personally believe that being the imperfect dad is the perfect way to raise my Daughter.  If I can see my short comings then I have the opportunity to make things right.  Knowing that I will make mistakes bothers me but Hey I am The Imperfect Single DAD.

My Objective
In the end I am doing this blog to realize my mistakes so that I can make life better for my Daughter.  She is my world and now that I am a single dad nothing else compares to her well being to me.  Everything I do needs to follow this paradigm.  I am her ultimate provider and protector so I must remember this when trying to live my life and while trying to raise her in this crazy world.

Knowing MySelf
According to Maslow's heirachy of Needs people have certain needs in life.  If you dont know this theroy look it up.  The ultimate need is self actualization.  Another words the need to know yourself.  This need is the hardest to meet because all other needs must be met.  With all this being said there are times when I believe that I have met this need at least for that moment I feel I have accomplished being who I am ment to be.  If all this is confusing then join the crowd.  The only reason I am mentioning this need to know ones self is to explain my flaws.  Most people dont realize they have flaws unless someone points them out or that person learns from a mistake.  I belive that flaws are the opportunities in life where progress is made.  At first thought that doesnt make sense but just think about it.  Just because it is a flaw doesnt mean you go backwards.  We (especially me) can learn to better these flaws.  If we can get better then we have gone forward from the flaw and not backwards.  The problem with this is that people have to make the effort to make progress.  Learning and acting on what you learn produces a better you.  With this being said with all the flaws I have I should be so far ahead but then again I need to learn and then act on my flaws.